Craving Structure, Resisting Rules: Feeding Ourselves as Neurodivergent Individuals
Welcome to the first installment of Questions from Sessions, a blog series where I explore real questions and conversations from my work with clients. This week, we’re diving into a common struggle for neurodivergent individuals: the complicated relationship with structure.
If you’re neurodivergent, you might know this struggle all too well. As one of my clients recently said, “I crave structure, but no one is going to tell me what to do!” And honestly? Same.
This love-hate relationship with structure shows up everywhere, but it can be especially loud when it comes to feeding ourselves. Food is essential, but creating systems to nourish ourselves regularly can feel…complicated. Let’s explore how our relationship with structure impacts our eating habits and talk about how we can build systems that actually work for us.
The Question
Why do we, as neurodivergent individuals, crave structure but resist it at the same time? How do we work with this dynamic in order to feed ourselves consistently?
Why This Question Matters
If you’ve ever struggled to stick to a meal plan or even remember to eat, you’re not alone. Neurodivergent folks often face a constant tug-of-war between wanting structure to manage our day and rebelling against anything that feels too rigid.
Photo of my dog Sophie playing tug-of-war for cuteness purposes :)
The truth? Structure is hard. It’s not just about making a single plan—it’s about creating layers of backup plan (or what I like to call “nets) to catch us when the first plan inevitably doesn’t work out. And that takes energy, time, and patience—a lot of it.
On top of that, feeding ourselves often doesn’t feel urgent. Especially if you struggle with interoceptive cues (a fancy way of saying your ability to feel hunger, fullness or other internal body signals), it’s easy to push eating to the bottom of the to-do list. Unfortunately, skipping meals can lead to brain fog, irritability, difficulty making decisions and emotion dysregulation. It’s a cycle that’s tough to break, but not impossible.
The Answer
Let’s break it down.
The Craving for Structure:
Neurodivergent brains often thrive on predictability. Structure can help manage decision fatigue and overwhelm by reducing the number of choices we have to make.
The Resistance to Structure:
External rules can feel suffocating. Even self-imposed ones can trigger a sense of rebellion—especially if you’ve had past experiences with unsupportive environments or diet culture.
How This Impacts Eating:
Without some kind of system, it’s easy to fall into patterns of skipping or delaying meals. Flexible structure is the sweet spot—it gives us guidance without the pressure.
Practical Takeaways: Building Flexible Structure
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
⚓ Anchor Meals: Instead of rigid schedules, aim for “anchor points” (like eating every 3-4 hours). It’s about building a rhythm in your day that works for you.
🕸️ Multiple “Nets”: Alarms, sticky notes, prepped snacks in multiple locations—layer your systems so there’s always a backup if Plan A doesn’t work. These are likely things you have tried before, but remember it’s more about layering systems, than finding one thing that will “work” every time.
🍚 Batch Prep, Not Meal Prep: Prepping components (like grains, veggies, or proteins) gives you flexibility without the overwhelm of full-on meal prep. If you do decide to prep “full” meals, consider freezing some portions that you can reheat on “I Don’t Want That Days”
🥘 Stock Your Freezer for “I Don’t Want That” Days: Sometimes, the meal you planned or prepped just doesn’t sound appealing when the time comes. Keeping a stash of easy-to-prepare frozen options can be helpful. Think frozen meals, microwaveable veggies, chicken nuggets, or pre-cooked rice. These options aren’t just convenient—they’re a way to meet your needs without forcing yourself to eat something that doesn’t feel right in the moment.
💊 Pair Food with Urgent Tasks: Combine eating with something you have to do, like taking medication or starting your workday.
💃 Permission to Pivot: If your plan doesn’t work in the moment, it’s okay to shift gears. Maybe the meal you prepped doesn’t sound good, or your day takes an unexpected turn. It’s okay to adjust. Nourishment is the goal—not sticking rigidly to a plan. Pivoting isn’t failing; it’s adapting to meet your needs in the moment.
Takeaways
Craving structure and resisting it can absolutely coexist.
Building systems that work for you takes effort, but it’s worth it.
Start small, experiment, and know that there’s no one “right” way to do this.
Your needs and preferences are valid, and flexibility is a strength.
Does this dynamic resonate with you? What’s one way you’ve created structure or “nets” in your life that works for you? I’d love to hear about it—drop a comment below!
If eating feels like an uphill battle, you’re not alone. Let’s work together to create a plan that feels realistic, supportive, and uniquely yours. Book a session with me today by emailing madison@unravelnutrition.com
