Questions from Sessions: Why Hasn’t Feeding Myself Gotten Easier?

One of the most insightful (and raw) questions a client recently asked me was, “Why hasn’t this gotten any easier?” We were talking about the daily challenge of feeding herself—something she thought would feel simpler by now after years of recovery from her eating disorder.

WHY IS THIS SO FREAKING HARD

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WHY IS THIS SO FREAKING HARD 〰️

This question hit hard because it’s something so many of us struggle with. Whether it’s because of ADHD, autism, or just the sheer exhaustion of being human, feeding ourselves regularly and consistently can feel like an uphill climb.

Let’s break down why that is, and more importantly, how we can approach it with self-compassion instead of self-criticism. 

The Question Behind the Question

When my client asked, “Why hasn’t this gotten any easier?” I think what she was really saying was, “I thought I’d be better by now.” And by “better,” she meant that she expected food to feel effortless. She expected “recovery” to mean that she no longer has to think or worry about food anymore.

She isn’t alone in feeling this way. This thought is something that comes up for most of my clients at one point or another. But here’s the thing: There’s a difference between resolving eating disorder thoughts or relinquishing diet culture beliefs and managing executive functioning challenges related to food. These are two separate but intertwined layers.

Eating Disorder Recovery:

In recovery, we focus on shifting harmful thoughts about food and our body image. This process involves unlearning harmful beliefs and behaviors while building trust in ourselves around food. Recovery looks different for everyone, but it might include:

• giving yourself unconditional permission to eat

• letting go of moral judgments about foods (e.g., “good” vs “bad” foods)

• accepting and respecting your body at its current size.

This work is about addressing the emotional and psychological barriers that make food feel complicated, unsafe, or shameful, so that eating becomes a more peaceful experience.

Executive Functioning Challenges:

This is more about the logistics: remembering to eat, planning meals, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning up. For those of us with neurodivergent brains, these steps can feel overwhelming no matter how far along we are in recovery.

Executive functioning is something we can work on supporting, but it’s not necessarily something we can “learn” or “unlearn”.

So, no—it’s not that you’re failing. It’s that feeding yourself requires a lot of mental effort, and your brain might need extra support to make it happen.

Letting Go of “Easy”

One of the most freeing (and difficult) things we can do is let go of the expectation that food will someday feel easy. That’s not to say it will always feel hard, but it’s okay if it takes effort.

Feeding yourself every day is a series of small decisions and actions that can be taxing, especially if your brain struggles with planning, task initiation, or prioritization. 

Instead of chasing “easy,” what if we focused on “possible”? What if we worked on finding ways to make food more accessible, even if it’s not effortless? What if we found ways to support your brain, instead of expecting it to work differently?

Accommodating Your Brain

Here are some strategies to experiment with:

• Simplify the Steps:

  Break meal prep into smaller tasks. Instead of cooking from scratch, focus on assembling meals from pre-prepped components (e.g., frozen veggies, rotisserie chicken, microwave rice).

• Automate What You Can:

  Set reminders to eat or stock up on ready-to-eat snacks and frozen meals for when cooking feels impossible.

• Reframe Expectations:

  A meal doesn’t have to look like something out of an influencer’s Instagram post to count. A paper plate full of crackers, cheese, and fruit is still a meal.

• Focus on the Why:

  Eating isn’t about perfection; it’s about nourishing your body so you can feel as good as possible. We’ve all heard the smug, ableist phrase “we all have the same 24 hours in the day", but, the reality is, we don’t all start out with the same number of “spoons”. Feeding ourselves takes spoons, and it’s okay to save some for things you care more about. You are allowed to choose convenience.

A Note on Self-Compassion

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others or to the version of yourself you think you should be. But the reality is, your journey is your own, and your brain works differently.

Struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human, and some parts of being human—like feeding ourselves—take work.

Instead of beating yourself up for the struggle, try to meet yourself where you are. What does your brain need right now to make food possible? What small thing can you do to make the next meal a little easier?

Self-compassion is hard. Especially for those of us who have used fear and external expectations to “motivate” us in the past. Check out the work of Dr. Kristen Neff for more on what self-compassion is, why it is helpful and how to cultivate it.

Takeaways

• Recovery from an eating disorder behaviors and managing executive functioning challenges are two different things. It’s okay if food still feels like work.

• Letting go of the expectation that food will be “easy” opens the door to finding systems that work for you.

• Self-compassion and accommodations are key—your brain deserves to be supported, not criticized.

Does this resonate with you? What’s one way you’ve accommodated your brain to make food more accessible? I’d love to hear about it—drop a comment below!

If feeding yourself feels like a struggle, you’re not alone. Let’s work together to create a plan that feels realistic and supportive for your brain. Schedule a free intro call to chat more about whether working together could be a good fit!